July 2010
1 post
I'm scared
-of caring too much
-of giving too much
-of getting attached
-of not letting go if the time comes to do so
-of not being able to move back to NC
-of ruining everything because i’m focused on the future instead of the now
-of not being able to relax and enjoy all the moments
-of expecting too much and accepting too little
June 2010
3 posts
“Your problem is you don’t understand what that word means. People think a soul...”
– Eat, Pray, Love (via liveelaughlovee)
ya know what's not a fun feeling
when you first find out that the boy you thought was in love has his first doubts about if this will work
it’s way more fun when he’s telling you how beautiful and great you are. let’s just stick to this part please.
liking someone=boring me
i get this prim and proper-very quiet-don’t want to say anything wrong or mess anything up-trying to be perfect type of disposition. and it’s awf. worst version of myself. hahaha well maybe not the worst but definitely not the most interesting, intriquing, intelligent, cutest version. and the harder i try to think of something exciting to say the more my mind draws into blankness. and...
February 2010
11 posts
after moving
i’m a different person now but i don’t think there’s anyway to fully realize just how different until i move again. exciting!
gods will or free will?
if an unmarried girl has premarital sex and gets pregnant is that gods will or is it free will?
if your answer is free will then i ask you, if a married catholic couple who does not believe in birth control gets pregnant is it gods will or free will?
a few days ago i sat inches away from the face of a loved one. some moments were filled with words and others with silence. all were amidst four tear filled eyes. this very special person told of his suicidal thoughts and the pain that drives him to these thoughts. the pain and the disability that lead him to think of himself as disappointing and unwhole. the fact that he will keep me at a...
More Liberation
there’s a possible move and a lot of life changes are up in the air. i do not know what is to come or what direction in which i will head. and i do not feel stressed because somehow inside i know that i am going to end up exactly where god wants me to be. it’s nice in the rare moments i’m able to let go of control. i’m able to not feel like i have to make a decision, a...
Two Days
Is it my body pouting in disagreement of the emptiness of my organs. The organs that want to hold a beating heart? And grow it into something that matters. my organs spitting blood back at me in rebellion for the deprivation. Is this the bleakness that I feel 10 days after ovulation? The anger and sadness and blah that seems to have no other source and lifts when my body has moved along as though...
“it’s really sad for you that you wasted over a year of your life with...”
– me
21 Keys to Magnetic Likeability
happythings:
Be Attentive to Others and Never Stop Listening – Self-centered people are usually unlikable. When you’re involved in a conversation, it’s important to focus more on the other person and less on yourself. If you genuinely concern yourself with others and listen to them closely, you’ll make scores of friends with little effort. Remember, everybody loves a good listener.
...
18 Rules for Living by the Dalai Lama
happythings:
floatingclouds: feedyourinspiration: constellation: rattlethembones: amyjowisehart: nathaliekossek:
At the start of the new millennium the Dalai Lama apparently issued eighteen rules for living. Since word travels slowly in the digital age these have only just reached me. Here they are.
Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
When you lose,...
We're all full up on crazy here
jss:
Do you ever find yourself saying to yourself, “dude…if you’re not careful, that quirky behavior is going to turn into straight-up crazy behavior before you know it”?
As I develop bizarre policies about stuff like who can touch me and who can ask me questions about my pregnancy, I realize that these “preferences” are going to turn into social disorders if I’m not careful.
I’m pretty much...
Roommate: but it is fun that you like to try to figure out my brain lol
Roommate: or tell me how you feel
Roommate: that is nice
Roommate: or how you feel i feel
Roommate: i like it
Roommate: its a good perspective
me: well i analyze everything within reach
Roommate: hahah
me: you happen to be within reach
Roommate: yes
Roommate: hahaha
me: therefore you are subject to my analyzations
me: hahaha
January 2010
10 posts
letting go
now and then i have this thing hanging over me. it’s a small thing but it makes me feel heavy and it seems out of my control to resolve it so i have to figure out how to let go of it. i’m going to go ahead and say, letting go of things is not one of my strengths. in this situation, i have to accept it. it is what it is. it is not within my control. and all is okay. have i done...
Thank you for following!!!!
blocksonblox“Practice Resurrection” - Wendell Berry
noisenikmatt coffey: electronic musician, synthesizer…
jennjennwatkinsjenn in chicago. thoughts. travels. words….
evolovevolim mostly here for inspiration.
happifiedI am Xyla and I am happy. :)
lovelyisbestI’m Meg, a twentysomething girl who loves to smile…
sillylittlelamblife is too precious not...
refreshment of laughter
i laughed yesterday. wholeheartedly. happily and lightly as though there was nothing weighing over me. it felt amazing and i wish for that every single day. i love to laugh and sometimes fail to find it within me when i let the heaviness of life takeover. there will always be reasons not to laugh and things that aren’t just right and i know that i “should” be able to despite...
“Let your light shine. Shine within so you can shine on someone else.”
– Oprah Winfrey (via justbesplendid)
“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are...”
– M. Scott Peck (via seechelci) (via michelleums) (via justbesplendid)
what will i do with the city part of my soul if i move back to the country? what will become of it?
freedom
i have always been tied and bound by people because that is how i have shaped my life and defined my being. because in being raised that is what i learned to value and cherish. because it is the people in my life that continuously matter and make it full.
this being said when i picked up and moved to a place where i knew virtually no one and had no responsibilities to anyone else and no...
December 2009
1 post
My mother always told me
that my mouth was going to get me into trouble. she was right. but i think it’s also gotten me a lot of other things. or atleast that’s what i hope to be the case. when my mouth got my in trouble last week, it was my LB who reminded me “chalk it up to living on the edge”. other loved ones said-a good sales person does fight for what they want. It was so nice to have these...
November 2009
1 post
Regarding NYE plans with a "friend"
Me: ok so this is one of those sitch's where obvi we should be each others dates but we won't be we'll just be "friends" ugh.
Roommate: you guys made plans already?!?!
Me: it's going to be couples then he texts to invite me and says he "wants a big group to go"
Roommate: oh fun!!
Me: they are going to atlanta for a concert on the 1st and they want to buy tickets to a big party for NYE and get all dressed up
Me: this is super annoying. cause i'm in weird friend/not friend zone?
Roommate: don't let yourself be his backup plan for when he doesnt have a GF
Roommate: watch when harry met sally
Roommate: and sally the shit out of this situation
Roommate: that's how she got a proposal from harry
October 2009
10 posts
it really is amazing-the impact yoga can have. i am relaxed, calm, at peace. regardless of what is going on around me, there’s a level of calmness in which i am operating from. the instructor was telling me yesterday that the point of yoga is to maintain a neutral place vs the positive or negative and that seems to be the case, i noticed it last week too! I also have an adorable new yoga...
Speaking of Cute Outfits
I went through my closet last weekend and took out everything that I felt looked “eh” on me. With the help of my dearest sisterlike friend I went through piece by piece with reminders that someone who needed this clothing would look great in it! (and actually wear it). Very refreshing! Now onto bargain shopping for new stuff!
today is a good day, i feel light and free and fluffy and oh what I would give to feel this way 100% of the time. i think today it’s because it is Friday. it’s because i bought a new camera and added a fun cute camera strap to my christmas list. also because i’m going to head out of town on a road trip this afternoon. and i do believe i have a cute outfit on (that makes all the...
boys
so i put myself out there and sent an email to a guy i am interested in. to my disappointment and surprise-no response. it’s still early though. i don’t even know this guy very well yet. he’s become an acquaintance over the course of the past 6 months during which time we hung out with mutual friends simultaneously a handful of times. True to my nature, i like him based on some...
1 tag
where?
so i’m in this in-between spot, a “where do i belong” type pergutory…
i miss home but i don’t want to get there and feel suffocated and stuck.
the thought of moving further away from my family in st.louis wakes a sadness in the pit of my soul from very early years in my life that i do not want to meet at this current stage and age. i don’t know how to...
stirred
my hormones have been stirred and i am left with the effects of human touch. it is a welcome reminder of what it’s like to feel alive from the inside out. i slept with his hand on my lower stomach and could feel the energy pulsing from one to another. welcoming the intimacy of being kissed while he touched my face and hair. i am alive and kicking this week for the chemistry, physical...
the climb upward
my note from the universe said “you know, I never could have parted with you if time and space were real. or even if they seemed real. they aren’t real. just a little reminder.”
i’ve always gotten very caught up in time, the feeling that it’s limited and i have to squeeze as much in because i can’t bare the thought of missing something or wasting the precious...
Things that lift my spirits
1) Traveling
2) Random acts of kindness given and received
3) Helping a friend who has come to me for advice
4) Productivity
5) Organizing
7) Dancing
8) Energy from other people
9) Yoga
10) Human Touch
11) Visiting with someone you love whom you don’t often get to see
Ease Anxiety:
1) Crosswords
2) a really good drama tv show
3) Puzzles
(i.e. redirecting mental energy)
the avett brothers
some people close to my heart told me to listen to The Avett Brothers. so i have taken this advice and i have to tell you- something in the sound of them stirs the energy inside of me. i don’t know if it’s the harmonized music of their voices or something magical in their instruments but is both calming and fueling. and then again maybe it’s the connection i feel to these...
September 2009
21 posts
today?
sometimes i feel like i’m trying so hard to see the beauty in the small things, to feel enlightened and happy and present and connected that i miss it for trying. um, what’s the solution to that? frustrating, to say the least. what makes today and this moment stand out from yesterday or the last moment? this is where the mantra comes in, something to trigger that thing deep inside of...
i feel like something is stirring inside of me. something good. not sure what will come of it or even what it is but i suspect it is the excitement of possibility. bubbling inspiration, just under the surface. the edge of happiness just because. when i think about what new might be right around the corner, i can feel it surge. the question is how to hold onto it, how to keep it flowing, how to...
Morning Prayer
Dear God,
Please be with me today. Help me to be present to my surroundings. Help me to be open to the people I meet and be a clearing to them. Help me to recognize and be open to the possibilities that cross my path today. Please help me to bare my best self to those around me by being as thoughtful and as giving as I know my heart is capable of. Thank you Lord for all that you have given me,...
i needed to cry
so tonight i sat on my couch and watched tv and cried at the life situations, the real ones and the fake ones, happy and sad. i just wanted to feel life. and it felt good. sometimes your body just needs to cry
“I was not built to break”
– Whitney Houston
little flutter of happiness, i can feel it right under my sternum like a little butterfly. for no apparent reason. i love taking note and really recognizing those moments. feels good. hope it stays!
my accupuncture friend told me a few weeks ago that the sternum is the opening to your heart and that when i’m feeling anxious it’s a good practice to lightly tap your sternum and it will...
I need a mantra and a theme song, suggestions?
A mantra to speak to myself when one of those sneaky little negative thoughts comes creeping in. Something short and sweet to repeat and redirect those little buggers.
And a song that i can belt out in the car or the shower to remind me that i am free spirited and adventurous and sassy!
Suggestions?
time
my note from the universe said “you know, I never could have parted with you if time and space were real. or even if they seemed real. they aren’t real. just a little reminder.”
i’ve always gotten very caught up in time, the feeling that it’s limited and i have to squeeze as much in because i can’t bear the thought of missing something or wasting the precious...
Chili peppers increase the production of...
happified:
Just read this while doing my review of related literature for my thesis.
Yay for spicy foods! :)
Random fact about me: I am a sucker for spicy foods.
More spicy food added to the diet immediately!